I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
