do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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