I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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