Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
