Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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