She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
