Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
