Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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