so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
