Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
