Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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