I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
