i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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