Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
