no, he came in my armpit
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think people are normalizing furries
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
