we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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