sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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