I just cut my nipple shaving
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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