piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
