Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
