Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
