that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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