It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
