I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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