I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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