life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
