He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
