took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
