Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
