stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
