I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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