the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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