eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
