i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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