He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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