I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
