I am puke
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
