You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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