Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
