My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
