PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
