well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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