Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
