He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
