THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
