Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
