My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
