i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
