:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
