I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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