Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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