okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
