God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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