your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love having hate sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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