ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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