Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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