Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
try to milk me bitch
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