he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
