All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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