you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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