You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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