Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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