You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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