I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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