Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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