I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
