this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
