OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
