How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
