dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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