I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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