Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
