I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
