Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
