No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
