PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize