Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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