How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
