I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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