i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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